• Do you feel responsible for other peoples' behavior?
• Do you go after romantic partners you feel you can “rescue”?
• Are you always doing more than your share?
• Do you feel unrecognized for all the hard work you do for others?
• Do you feel guilty saying “No”?
• Do you suffer from fear of abandonment?
• Is your relationship the center of your life?
• Does your life feel like an endless series of “tolerations”?

People who experience more than a few of these symptoms are sometimes known as codependents.  Codependents, simply put, are those who put others' needs above their own.  Codependents are not “weak” and though they may claim to suffer from low self-esteem, they actually suffer from “anxious attachment”, or the sense that relationships can come undone at the slightest bump in the road. They take excessive responsibility for all relationship matters. Codependents often form relationships with “avoidant” types who depend on the huge overtures of the codependent. 

Labels are only as good as the way one uses them. When putting others first is wrecking your life, admitting to codependency may be the first step to getting control of yourself. Other people may find the label “codependent” too simplistic, yet all of us may benefit from a personal inventory in which we assess whether our relationships are truly reciprocal. In severe cases, codependents end up in relationships with people who have extreme forms of emotional unavailability. Often called enablers, they may cover for a partner’s drug or alcohol abuse, or they may tolerate abusive behavior, believing they can see the good man inside an otherwise nasty or selfish person. Codependents may suffer financial hardship as they bail out an irresponsible boyfriend. They may rationalize their behavior to themselves or to friends by placing value on “being there” for people. Yet they do not experience true interdependence in which relationships are mutually satisfying.